To quote Jessie Spano ...

"I'm so excited! I'm ... so ... scared!"

It's THE month, my friends. This is the month Husband and I are able to start trying to conceive again. I'm feeling a lot of emotions: excited, nervous, dread ...

I'm excited because I'm happy to be on the bandwagon again. I'm happy that we get another shot at conceiving. Excited and hoping that this time may be all that we need to get pregnant.

I'm nervous because I don't (really, really don't) want to go through what I did in January and February: the joy, the happiness, and then the sudden slap of horrible news, the pain, the tears ... I'm not so sure I can handle going through that again.

I am dreading this month in a way because of the drugs. It's been three months since I've had any fertility drugs pumped in my system. I don't like how they make me feel. I don't like the intrution with all the ultrasounds and shots and bloodwork. It was one thing when it happened every month - it's like I got into a rhythm. But now that I've been out of the game for three months - it's just a bit harder to step back in.

However, all the balls can't get rolling again until I get my period. So we wait. Because my cycle is so off from the miscarriage and D&C - I'm not exactly sure when my period will come - I've got a ballpark guess. That's about it. AND I'm getting a bit more nervous in the fact that Husband will be leaving for Colorado in a few weeks. So if my lovely period doesn't come SOON the timing could be totally off and we miss our window. I would in no way want him to miss Colorado (his best friend's bachelor party). Husband has been looking forward to this since last year!

THUS - I just pray. Pray that everything will work out. That if this is our month - then God will take control and it will be as it should be.

There's not much more to do than that ...

~M