More Beautiful You

The Evil Inner Voice (EIV). We all have it. You know what I'm talking about. The EIV that speaks up when you are, for example, trying on jeans: Whoa. How's your muffin top treating you today? Looks like you could do a few more crunches and a few less candy bars.

Or when you are trying on swimsuits {shudder}: Hello, Thunder Thighs! Did Bill Cosby recruit you for a jello add because ... damn, girl.

I would dare say mine is the most evil. The most sinister. It senses my moods and knows exactly when to speak up. And then it haunts me through out my day slowly chipping away at my confidence. For those ladies that are able to give their Evil Inner Voice the middle finger and continue to skip along - I salute you. 

My EIV has been in full voice this past week. I'm in my BFF's wedding next week and I'm letting EIV beat me up about you name it: how I look in my BM dress, my shoes, my outfit for the rehearsal dinner, my arms, my tummy ... blah blah blah. Such silly, superficial worries. But I don't fight my EIV as much as I should. I just let it beat me down. And then I get frustrated because I'm letting myself get worked up over all this! (Remember the goal of "relaxing" in the realm of TTC?! Still working on that one ...).

So at work I had my Pandora on and this song came on More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz:

Now, granted - this song is probably aimed at the teenager set. But it was a strong reminder for me. I am who I am. I'm almost positive people don't cringe away when they see me. Husband thinks I'm something special. Why can't I see it too?

I was looking for a little girl book a few weeks ago. I wanted something fun and cute but all I read was books about which dress is prettier. Or a favorite dress not fitting anymore so another had to be found. Boy books are all fun about pirates and soccer and jungles or something. But girl books were chalk-full of stories strictly about appearance. Even the "dance" books had more to do with appearances then actual dancing!!

If God ever gives me a daughter, I don't want her to ever have to wage a war with her own EIV. She may get one anyway ... I did. Even though I had a wonderful mother who showed me what it was to be a graceful, gentle, loving woman (outside of appearances), a father that showed me affection and told me daily he loved me, and two brothers who always showed me love (as much as brothers can. :)) I would still look in the mirror and think: ugh.

I don't think it was Barbie; as some parents like to blame. I truly think it was (is) peers. I remember a boy made fun of me in 7th grade telling me I had big feet. And from then on, I looked at my feet as embarrassing rather than just my feet. Thankfully, I've now embraced my feet. I just know not to wear pointy toe shoes because whoa. Pointy toe and big feet DO NOT walk hand-in-hand. I'm just sayin' ...

I hope to teach my phantom daughters to love themselves as God made them. Each beautiful and unique. I hope to teach my phantom sons to appreciate ALL types of women. Just as Jonny Diaz sings in his song - we are all the most beautiful you!

So here's to all the women out there that can look in the mirror and belt out West Side Story's I Feel Pretty because we are all so damn pretty! :)

~M